‘What are you on about, woman?’ I hear you cry! But bear with as I think yes, you CAN wear white jeans. If you have small sticky children, you may be looking at only wearing white jeans when you’re away from them – same goes for dogs – but you don’t have to be around those little oiks 24/7. There should be a time where you can do something for yourself and, call me crazy, but that could include wearing some light-coloured clothes.
It helps that my children are now teenagers and I have less chance of them smoushing a raspberry-covered finger all over the front within the first 5 minutes of getting dressed. Still a very high chance I will spill Marmite-covered toast face down into my lap before the end of breakfast though. This happens more regularly than I care to admit. But what are washing machines for? We must try not to shy away from white. White is good. White screams: ‘Summer!’ White makes you feel like a grown up. Sort of.
The other fear I had about white jeans was the association with Essex and Liz Hurley. No offence to Essex dwellers: I’m talking more about the only-way-is-big-bum-blown-up-lips brigade, not making a sweeping generalisation on everyone that lives in the county. White jeans did seem to be the preserve of either posh totty or those aspiring to be a Kardashian, but I’m here to tell you that we can all wear them.
The key is not to buy the skinny variety: skinny white jeans are where it all goes Pete Tong. Stick with a straight leg, a wide leg or a boyfriend style. Something that’s going to be flattering and not show the outline of your knickers or your cellulite to the world. Talking of knickers, even with the best white jeans, you will need some attractive flesh-coloured underpants. You can’t wear colours, they will show. Get your big flesh-coloured undercrackers from M&S at the ready. I’ve come up with 5 decent pairs of jeans and 5 outfits to go with them, so here we go…
I think this is the easiest way to wear white jeans if you’ve been out of the white jean game for a long time. You could always add your black leather biker jacket from last week too. Monochrome is simple: just add a black top and black shoes, and away you go looking effortless and chic without a care in the world. Imagine actually not having a care in the world, how nice would that feel? I don’t think that’s humanly possible. Pretty much every time I feel relaxed, something pops into my head to worry about. Especially these days. But we can pretend, can’t we?
WHITE JEANS WITH A BLUE SHIRT
I don’t know why, but this simple combo makes me think of ‘French Girl Chic’. I feel like they all wear this kind of thing while strolling down the promenade in Cannes or effortlessly sauntering down the Champs Élysées. Maybe they’ve just had an impromptu paté and brie lunch outside a café in Montmartre and have not spilt a drop of it down their front. I think it’s unlikely real French girls would buy cheap berets from the tourist shop and end up doing handstands in the street after too much rosé. Not that that’s what I did last time I went to Paris. You must be confusing me with someone else.
NAVY & WHITE LIKE THE KENNEDYS
I imagine wearing this navy and white look à la Jackie O, on a trip to Cape Cod at some point in the future. We went on holiday to Cape Cod a few years ago and had a lovely time, despite the unseasonable rain. I doubt the Kennedys spent their afternoons in Hyannis Port eating deep-fried chicken wings in an old railway car sports bar, but I’m telling you that’s a great way to spend a rainy afternoon in the US of A. Although white jeans and hot wings are possibly not the best combination.
1. Hush Lindsay Relaxed Navy Sweatshirt
2. M&S Pure Cotton Textured Lace Insert Blouse
3. Rae Feather Monogram Basket Bag
4. & Other Stories Keeper Cut Cropped Jeans
5. Apiedi Red Leather Ballet Pumps
WHITE JEANS WITH THE CLASSICS
By ‘classics’, I mean mix some items from the 15 Piece Spring Capsule Wardrobe with your white jeans. In this case, the Breton top and the khaki jacket. If in doubt, get them both out: they work every time, I promise you. I can vouch for these John Lewis Kin sandals as being VERY comfortable. They have a great padded footbed for all day walking, should you wish to be out and about soon.
WHITE JEANS AND A TRENCH
.If ever there was a month to need a trench coat, this is it. Although the downpours have been so heavy this week, you need a full waterproof, a rain hat AND a brolly to stay dry. Even my rain app couldn’t predict the 5 minute hailstorm that literally soaked me to the skin on Tuesday. I’m fully resigned to the fact that I can’t go abroad this year, but PLEASE can we have a few weeks with some decent weather soon? Never thought I’d be harking back to the ‘Good Ole’ Days’ of Spring 2020, but I’m ashamed to say I have been.
I hope this has inspired you to dig out your white jeans, if you have some. I will definitely be sporting mine again this week, hopefully without Marmite stains!