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10 Things I Hate About You

I’ve been in a surprisingly chipper mood this past week, which is unusual. This got me thinking about the things that usually annoy me. Hate is a strong word, but ’10 Things That Get On My Tits’ just didn’t have the same ring to it. So without further ado, here are 10 things I hate about you…

1. People who are rude. Specifically I cannot stand people who are dismissive towards waiters, shop assistants and taxi drivers. This is a standard peeve, I know, but I think I hate it even more because I have been a waitress and a shop assistant in the past. Neither of these pay that well and involve you being nice to people all day. When those people are rude to you when you are simply trying to serve them a seafood salad or a cappuccino or help them squeeze into a pair of jeans that are clearly 2 sizes too small for them, then it’s just not on.  I haven’t been a taxi driver yet, but I quite like driving and I know where a lot of places in London are, so maybe one day..

2. People who are not polite. This is also rudeness, but of a different kind. If I hold the door open for you, say thank you. If I give you my seat on the tube, acknowledge it. If I let you get on the bus first, do not barge past me with your frizzy hair and your Tesco’s bag-for-life, instead try giving me a smile and nod. Most importantly if I reverse all the way up the bloody road to let you drive past, then the least you can do is give me a little wave, you ungrateful bastard. I hate reversing.

3. People who write cryptic Facebook Status updates. You know the ones,  ‘I’m so over this shit’, ‘God, I can’t take it anymore’, ‘That’s it, I’m finished’. This is done for the sole purpose of attention. If there is something you want to share with the group, then just share it with the group, we may be sympathetic. We certainly won’t be if you make us try and guess.

4. People who write ‘U Ok Hun?’ in response to the above idiots.

5. People who are looking for someone better than you. You know the scene, you’re at a party, being nice, making conversation, trying desperately to take small talk further than the standard,  ‘How are you?, ‘Yes, I’m fine thanks, how are you?, ’ Yes I’m fine, thanks’.… (where DO you go from there? I usually ask them what they had for their tea. We all like to talk about food). Anyway, sorry, it’s those people that you are having this scintillating social encounter with that are constantly scanning the room for someone more important / more interesting /better looking to talk to. Just humour me and move on at the appropriate moment, don’t stand there all twitchy constantly looking over your shoulder. Who says I even wanted to talk to you in the first place? Knobhead.

6. People who are suck ups. These are most likely the same people you were talking to above, but they are not just found at parties, they are usually found in the workplace. All they want to do is climb up the bosses arse and live happily in there forever more. They will gladly throw anyone else under the bus in order to get there. Not team players. I like team players. I like people that treat everyone the same. We should all do that.

7. People who talk with their mouth full. Come on, we can all wait for you to finish your lunch before we hear all about that thing you are so desperate to tell us. Did your parents teach you nothing? even more annoying are people who eat on the tube and talk at the same time, so not only can you see the food in their mouths, you can also smell the rancid kebab/cheeseburger/chick’n’cottage meal deal that they just couldn’t wait to get home to eat.

8. People who chew gum too loudly. Also people who chew gum all the time. You’ll get lock-jaw one day, mark my words. That smacking sound just gets into my bones and makes me so cross. Keep your mouth shut please.

9. People who give half-hearted compliments. We all love a compliment. It makes us feel good about ourselves. If we’ve made an effort it’s nice for it to be acknowledged. What we don’t want is, ‘Actually, this is quite nice’, when we’ve slaved over a hot dinner for 3 hours. What do you mean, ‘Actually quite nice’?, ‘Actually quite nice’ implies that you were expecting it to be shit and you are mildly surprised that it’s even edible.

10. People who’ve done it better. You’ve got a lovely new pair of shoes, they bought them 3 weeks ago, but got a limited edition pair and didn’t pay full price. You had a great time at that gig last night, they saw them 4 years ago before they were famous and are BFF’s with the bass player. You’ve saved up all year for a trip to the Caribbean, they did it last year but they went first class and stayed in the hotel you can’t afford. Oh shut up. Just be happy for me FFS.

I could probably go on, but I will stop at 10 for my own sanity. What are the things that you hate?

K x

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